Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize