i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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