dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets