There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.