At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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