Please, let me fuck your mom
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.