theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
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Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain