Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
it's great music for shaving your balls
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?