I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
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I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.