Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt