I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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