if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach