Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.