Can i not drive my cunt home
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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