Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
