Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
