last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
