He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
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Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"