I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.