yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.