Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?