help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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