The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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