So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize