So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.