i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS