She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions