FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?