They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
