I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
