I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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