So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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