That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.