I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.