I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible