I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
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she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.