Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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