The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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