is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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