you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
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I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
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She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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