Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
only you would photoshop your dick
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
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