apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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