im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
