We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
