omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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