i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
