Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
wanna go halves on a baby?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
