why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.