this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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