Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
