You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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