Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
