mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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