Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
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I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Found your dick twin last night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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