i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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