They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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