Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize