well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My vagina just recognized that song.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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