You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
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Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.