I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.