Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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