maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
