Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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