I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize