In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
