Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
