I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.