After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.