We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.