Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
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I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
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Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning