We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.