What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.