I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?