I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.