Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"