It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
