By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
