but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
